The Silver Lady

This rare track is available on volume 4 of the Close Up series.

What starts off as a traditional folksong turns into a meditation on an issue of incredible emotional trauma-- what to do with an elderly parent, especially one with mental-health issues.

The song begins as if describing a child's visit with an imaginary fairy-friend: "When I was a little girl... I once spoke to the Silver Lady/ But I never saw her again." It continues that this mystical lady "flew out of the sky" and could go "riding on the water" and on a "golden pony." So, typical fairy-tale imagery.

Then there is a note of sadness: "Only once did I hear her laugh/ And it echoed far and lonely." So, despite her otherworldly trappings, she is not some sort of angel. She was "the crazy man's only daughter," which might have something to do with her state of mind.

We now hear the conversation alluded to in the opening verse, about the one time our speaker actually "spoke with the Silver Lady." The conversation took place on a riverbank.

The child approached the Lady, who was crying, to comfort her: "If I had wings like you, I would be flying... and singing."

She says she had no wings-- perhaps she only looked like she was flying when she was galloping on horseback?-- or "I would surely be gone."

She continues that she is her father's only daughter, but that he had older sons... who all left her to take care of their "crazy" father, who is also aging.

And now, she is torn. She wants desperately to leave, and is feeling strangled by her being tethered to him: "I feel the ocean pulling me... I want to go with [the breezes]... This life is killing me." But how can she leave him, helpless and alone? Plus, her abandonment would "break his heart."

She turns away, and the child follows the river back home.

"The next day I heard she had taken her horse/ And gone off to parts unknown." This is the first point we know for certain that the Lady is not just a figment of the child's vivid imagination. 

So the Lady does leave. And her father? He stayed at home, stopped coming into town, and started "roaming down by the riverside." And if rumors are to be believed, he committed suicide, drowning himself in the river.

The speaker never saw the Silver Lady again. But now, she says, "when I felt a silver breeze/ I knew she had sent it from wherever she was/ To tell us that now she was free."

For a song that begins in fantasy, the scenario is all too real. The "burnout" felt by caregivers, especially those who care for those with Alzheimer's and other conditions, can be devastating, as can the guilt of leaving them. And far too often, it is their daughters left with this obligation, while the sons are free to leave and start their own families. 

Today, at least for those of us in cities, there are several options. Caregivers can be given respite workers to take care of their loved ones, so that they can continue to have somewhat-normal lives. And in some cases, the best option is round-the-clock professional care in a dedicated facility, provided by people working in shifts to avoid exactly this sort of burnout.

Mental illness never takes a break, let alone a vacation. But human beings, even machines, cannot be expected to work ceaselessly. The Silver Lady should have insisted that her brothers help. She could have reached out to her neighbors, to the local clergy or other charitable organizations. But it sounds like this all took place in a rural setting, with few such resources.

What begins as a child's fairytale of a beautiful Silver Lady turns out to be a lesson in how poorly society has dealt with mental illness throughout most of its history. At least now things are beginning to change, so that women don't have to go gray-- sorry, "silver"-- so young.

Next Song: Crack in the Wall 

St. Clare

Clare was an Italian saint, a prioress of the Franciscan Order. She dedicated her life to prayer and poverty. In fact, her following was known as the Order of the Poor Ladies, or just the Poor Clares. They were also monastic and preferred silence and hard work; they traveled little.

Ironically, she is the patron saint of goldsmiths and gilders, of embroiderers and needle-workers... and television. (Also: good weather, eye disease, and laundry. Obviously, it was eye disease first, then TV; one wonders if this wasn't a wry commentary on TV itself.)

Evidently, the song is about a woman who has left where she is to visit her home. To "keep her safe/ until she returns", a candle is lit and "that saint"-- which we only learn is Clare from the title-- is called upon for sacred protection.

We see "plaster and paint/ holding the fire." Perhaps this is a candlestick cast to resemble Clare, whose hands are positioned to hold the candle itself. She is described as "a poor woman's saint."

Yet, she "holds all man's desire." Well, she is holding a candle. Perhaps it symbolizes what people want-- light, warmth, tranquility. "Desire" doesn't have to mean sexual desire, does it?

Then why say she is a "woman's" saint, and then discuss a "man's" wants? Why not say "all our desire," meaning all of humanity's wants? Something about this woman-- this sacred, silent Clare-- is desirable, it seems.

The woman who left is now called a "bold little bird." She is told to "fly away home." This is a reference to the nursery rhyme "Ladybug, ladybug/ Fly away home." As ladybugs are also called "ladybird beetles," some have misheard the rhyme to be about an actual bird, not a bug.

In any case, she left here, and is going "away" there. But there is "home," so she is returning there, yes? And then she will "return" to here, we hope, where our candle burns for her.

The speaker wishes she could have accompanied her to smooth the way: "Could I but ride herd/ On the wind and the foam." From "foam," we know the woman is traveling over the sea (as in "oceans/ White with foam" from "God Bless America.") The speaker wishes she could have ridden herd, or been in control of, the waves on that sea, so as to make this woman's sea-path as smooth as possible. 


It is this travelling woman's willingness to travel that makes her desirable. After all, the "souls/ That curl by the fire" like a bunch of homebodies will "never know/ All man's desire." But she travels away from the hearth.

Now it is "spring," which implies the earlier part of the song took place in the winter, a bad time for sea travel. This explains why they were so worried about her, and why they were curled by the fire themselves.

It is early enough for the "snow" to "melt," the "stream" to unfreeze and run, and even "green" things like the water-dwelling vegetable "watercress" to grow. But it is still "cold."

Evidently, out travelling woman made it to dry land. She is shown "barefoot" and "cold," and standing or sitting "by the side of the road" now. She is "holding" both "a lyre," or small harp, and "all man's desire."

Why she had to go "home" to do this is unclear. Is she waiting for a ride to take her to her family's house? Is she lost? Or even shipwrecked on the wrong shore? We aren't told.

The lyre is obviously a symbol of music itself, and of poetry. It is associated with poets like King David and the god Apollo.

So, before, it was a "fire," and now a "lyre" that can "hold all man's desire." Perhaps this shows evolution. Early people craved the heat and protection of the fire, and learned of its ability to help cook food and make pots and tools. Later, when these basic needs were conquered, man could turn his desire to finer things, like the arts.

The song ends as it began. The implication is that the woman has not yet returned. The speaker awaits her still, praying for the saint's intervention and keeping the candle lit for her. (The only difference is that we now know it is a "white" candle, if that is significant.)

People go home to visit all the time, then come back to the place they now dwell. They usually travel in good weather if it can be helped, so we may assume that this woman's need to go "home" was urgent. Yet, once she has arrived on her native shore, she seems in no hurry to make it all the way from the port to her destination point. Or has she been home, and is now on her way back to us?

While it is difficult to even understand the sequence of events being described, it is harder still to understand what is being said here.

It seems odd to talk about saints, and women too poor to afford shoes, being ones who hold "all man's desire." Whether "man" means male people or all people, surely many people desire more-- or at least other-- than what it is these women offer, which is enlightenment and piety.

What about the things Clare herself is patron of? Don't people "desire" gold, and fine embroidery, and television? I'm sorry, but the statistics are pretty clear-- people want good reception as much as they want godly redemption.

Perhaps we are reading too much into the song. Perhaps the imagery is merely impressionistic. It is very pretty, sparse in its arrangements as an Order of the Poor Ladies' cloister.

Or perhaps one needs to know more about Suzanne Vega, or Saint Clare, to truly understand it.


Next Song: Zephyr and I

Harbor Song

An imagined/remembered relationship with an actual person, not unlike "Some Journey" or other of her works.

In this story, the man is "rich," and lives in a home with "golden curtains."' The woman (the speaker herself) is desperate and has "no place to go." She asks for shelter, and he is... ambiguous.

Once he does take her in, she realizes that, wealth aside, her host is no prize. He is a huge drinker and a huge-er smoker, plus he cannot "be true" in the sense of romantic fidelity. In fact, he actively pursues other... pursuits.

"But still I feel the wind in from the harbor," she says, and longs for him. Wind is aimless and boundless. A harbor is a place of shelter for ships, but temporary shelter by design and designation. This harbor wind recalls her unstable life before.

So the thought of returning to her meandering life is frightening, and she longs for the stability her rich boor of a host provides, which she confuses with an attraction with the man himself... who is, ironically, a free spirit who is often absent from his palatial manse, leaving her behind.

She imagines him lying in state, next. She is not standing beside his casket, as a wife would, but as just another figure "in line" to pay her respects. She still finds him "handsome" and calls him "dear." But even physical attraction, "longing" and "dear" fall short of "love."

It's possible that the funeral is a memory, not a dream like the rich-man scenario. We learn this from the last verse, in which the woman travels-- with direction and purpose, not aimless, fearful wandering-- she comes upon "harbors." There, she smells the "salt" of the sea and the "bay rum" (a concoction used in men's grooming, made from actual rum)...

...and also smells his "ghost." Which implies he really did live, and then really did die.

The last line is telling. In her dream of him being wealthy and her hopeless, he pursued business and pleasure-- leaving from the harbor without her-- while she stayed home, "longing" for him.

But in her memory, he is "beside" her, walking along the harbor shore of various lands. Which implies she has memories of accompanying each other to different ports of call. Travelling together... probably more, since she recalls his scent so clearly.

It is interesting that she did spend time with him, remembers him as an equal, and misses him... but fantasizes about missing him in an entirely different context... with he being powerful and emotionally, financially, and physically distant.

Maybe if he were already distant while he was alive, he would be easier to live without, now.


Next Song: Machine Ballerina

Honeymoon Suite

Get your mind out of the gutter right now. This song is not about what (ahem) happens in the privacy of a newlywed couple's hotel room.

This is about a nightmare the groom has, during the honeymoon.

First, we see the room itself. It is in "France," and the ceiling is painted with "angels in a dance." This is a nice detail, but it also presages another sort of procession, one in a dream. A dream often uses whatever imagery the waking mind had handy as fodder.

Her new husband has a "was not feeling well," a sure-fire killer of a romantic mood, so when they "went to bed," it was, disappointingly, in the literal sense. Sleep does not provide a cure, sadly. He wakes up with a headache.

He describes to her his nighttime experience: "A hundred people" of varying ages "had come through our room that night" and each "asked if he was all right." They each "lined up to touch his hand." But he told each in turn, "They had come for the wrong man."

But did they? He was sick, and they were asking if he was OK, something you only ask sick people. So while he dismissed their help out of pride or shame, they kept coming.

Perhaps superstitiously, the couple decides the dream was not the result of a malady or a reaction to a heavily-sauced French dinner, or even a night of Parisian club-hopping. It is also not thought to be a subconscious reaction to another circumstance in the man's life, such as getting married or simply sleeping under a picture of people in an endless line.

No, they ask the concierge if there had been an incident in the room, "a death, or something strange." She smiles, but says nothing.

Again odd is the new wife's reaction. She does not try to interpret the dream. She does not worry about her husband's mental state, either in the sense of "Gee, I hope he's OK," or "Did I just marry a crazy person?"

Instead, she makes this about her. "What I'd like to know is... with all the people in that room/ Why none appeared to me?"

This may seem like a joke. Of course you can't see figures in someone else's dream. Not outside of a sci-fi movie, anyway.

But she presses her point. "When we sleep so close together that our hair becomes entwined/ I must have missed that moment in the gateway to his mind."

If she is really that concerned about not feeling emotionally connected to her new husband, perhaps she should be asking a different question. She never could have seen what was inside his dreaming mind.

But she should wonder why, with all the people the man imagined asking after his welfare, why were none of them her? To be fair, he didn't seem to imagine any of his family, friends, or co-workers asking him if he was "all right," either.

Still, if any one person should be there, shouldn't it be her? Why didn't he see her asking if he were OK? And not in some queue, either, but at his sickbed's side?

Here is a man so physically miserable, he can't even enjoy his honeymoon. And instead of worrying if he is in need of medical attention, or if he's psychosomatically reacting to whatever it is his dream is about, she is worrying that he's keeping secrets from her... secrets he doesn't even know he has!

What if you were this woman's friend, and received this phone call: "Oh, Paris is fine, and we have a lovely room. But last night, that new husband of mine had a dream, and I didn't have the same dream! I have no idea what the dream means, and who cares. Hmm? Oh, the dream was about people asking if he's OK. Is he OK? No, he was so sick he had to go to bed early and woke up this morning with a headache. But the real problem is that I can't read his subconscious mind."

If she missed a "gateway" to his mind, it may be that it's because she was so focused on her own. And he may have been dreaming that a thousand strangers were asking if he was OK because his deepest wish is that someone-- like the love of his life over here-- would actually ask.

There seems to be a vicious circle, here. He worries that she doesn't care, so he shuts her out... and she worries that he doesn't share, so she retreats inward. He, at least, is trying to reach out by telling her his dream. Now she has to reach back and try to help him understand his dream's meaning.

She's upset that she doesn't know his dream? But she does! He just told it to her!

It's time for her to stop bothering the benighted hotel staff with her problems, imagining ghosts of murder victims, and talk to her husband about himself. About his view of their relationship.

Then, the next time he dreams about strangers asking him how he is, he can tell those dream-figures, "Don't worry about me. I'm fine-- my wife's taking good care of me."

Pilgrimage

This song is about entropy-- or, as it applies to human life-- mortality. So why is the title about a spiritual journey to a holy place?

Let's start with a simpler question: What does the first line of the song mean? "This line is burning..." What line?

She means the line of the song, the line of music, the words she is singing themselves. The words and notes live on the ear for a fraction of a second apiece before dispersing into scattered waves.

Similarly, once a moment in time has passed, it may as well be ash. Its potential has been burned up like a spent matchstick, a used wick, or a piece of kindling. She begins this thought by mentioning the days of the week, and the words "months" and "year."

The next thought concludes logically: "This life is burning." Time started before we were born and will continue after we die. We are here for a few moments, relatively speaking (if the Earth's history were one year, all of human existence would take place in the last hour of December 31). So if time is being burned up, so is our lifetime.

But she holds out a note of hope. Yes, "every death is an end," but for all this "stopping," there is also "starting," or new birth. This is a "march over millions of years," and each generation takes its steps in turn.

All of this progress is pointing where, though? Here is all this "travel." Where is the destination, the "arrival"? The progression is, she says, "toward a source." So... Heaven? It would explain the title-- all of life is a pilgrimage back to the Heaven (which certainly counts as a holy place) from whence we came.

Then the speaker gets both more specific and more enigmatic about her destination: "I'm coming to you." To whom? God? A passed-on relative waiting in Heaven? (If so, this song might link to the previous one. That song was about a suicide attempt; perhaps the person tried to kill themselves to reunite with someone waiting in Heaven, and this song is from her perspective.)

The idea of "burning" and "turning to ash" is now applies to the land. The soil erodes, the continents rise and sink, and the whole Earth itself has a time limit due to the Sun's inevitable collapse.

The speaker closes with a parting gift: "Take this/ Mute mouth/ Broken tongue." The deceased is bequeathing her very silence as an inheritance. Why is silence a gift?

Death, which the speaker says she has been marching toward for years, has arrived. And now the "dark," painful-- perhaps physically so but certainly emotionally so-- life, has hope... the hope of an end.

"Now," that the pilgrimage has ended, the Promised Land of relief and release has been attained: "Now this dark life is shot through with light."

Many who have had near-death experiences speak of seeing a great light. But even without such a vision, the idea of life ending may not seem frightening to some. For those with "dark" lives, an end to such a life just means an end to the darkness, and so, light.

There is a movement now to take the idea of euthanasia a step further. Rather than it only being used to speed an inevitable death and avoid a protracted and agonizing decline, some would like a medically assisted suicide to be available to those with chronic pain, both of the physical and mental varieties. There are fates worse than death, a life of suffering may be one.

The speaker here has made grand claims about the entropy of the universe to rationalize her desire-- we're all dying all the time anyway, so what's the big deal? But really, she just wants to die so that the pain of missing her lost loved one can end.

There is a old comedy line: "If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead yet?" But the question is not funny, or rhetorical, to the speaker here. She would reply, "Give me a minute, I'm working on it."

Is the person making a pilgrimage to Heaven, or to the embrace of a lost loved one? For the speaker, those places are the same.


Next Song: Rock in this Pocket

Gypsy

This is one of Vega's loveliest songs altogether. It is a love song-- technically a break-up song, but not the acrimonious kind. The Japanese farewell, "sayonara," means "since it must be so," and that is the sighing, bittersweet sort of farewell this song evokes.

The song begins with a recognition that the two lovers are from different worlds. "You come from far away," it begins, and refers to the couple as a pair of "strangers."

He comes from a land of "sunrise," but they meet and form their relationship at "night." This is "where" they come to "know each other now," by dint of having recognized "the sign" of their mutual attraction.

The chorus is at once tender-- "hold me like a baby/ That will not fall asleep"-- and passionate: "Let me hear you through the heat." Not many relationships manage to encompass both sorts of affection.

The next verse refers to the foreign lover as being a "jester." The verse unfolds with more words that evoke a Medieval or Renaissance setting: "courtyard," "women/ With the dimples and the curls," "mischievous," "blowing skirts."

There is a hint of playful jealousy here-- all sorts of women "distract" the fellow, that rogue... but he remains hers.

More old-timey imagery in the next verse: an "earring," a "potter," a "tale." She describes his features and traits colorfully. His hands are like "water," his young face belies his accumulated "wisdom," he can tell a story as well as a "fool" (here a synonym for the above "jester"). Yet, while a fool causes chaos, this fellow is an "arranger of disorder."

As much as she loves this man, she knows it has to end. Yet, he has influenced her future choices. She describes to him her new beau-- not to cause him envy, but to to compliment him by saying: "See how much you affected my life! I can now only date men like you. And since I can't have you..."

And who is her new swain? He is also a storyteller, "a spinner/ Of strange and gauzy threads." He also has hands she admires, that are "sweetest" and "softest."

And he also is a traveler... but now someone she can travel with. "We'll blow away forever," she says, "and go on to different lands." Remember the first word in the song was "you," which now switches to "we," meaning her and... not him.

She now bids farewell to the first man, saying that he is not to seek her now that she has "another." Still, he should be gratified in knowing that he is with her in any case, in her heart: "with me you will stay."

How will he know that she still misses him and cherishes their time together? "You will hear yourself in song." Namely, this one.


Next Song: Wooden Horse

Some Journey

The most important word in this song is the first: "If." The song is largely speculation, followed by a return to reality "as it is." In this, the song echoes the structure of a sonnet— one set of circumstances, followed by a “volta,” a turn toward the opposite.

The speaker feels that if the conditions had been different— the setting, the lighting, the clothing, the entire atmosphere— romance would have bloomed between her and the one she is singing to. 

She imagines the two of the having met on a train speeding "eastbound." By the description of their clothes, they would have been heading toward the Orient. He would be wearing "silken robes," and she, a mere, sheer garment made of "smoke and fire/ for [him] to see through." Oh, my.

Or, what about a "darkened room" of some mysterious sort? She describes a room in which people "pass" but "do not stay," perhaps some sort of hotel. He would have "taken [her] upstairs" to, presumably, a bedroom... where who-knows-what would have happened when he "turned the lamplight low." 

Without them knowing each other, they could have shared a consequence-free tryst (or a few). Knowing her reality would never have had to be revealed, she could have indulged his fantasies, and have played his "little girl... wife... mistress... lady fair..." or even "woman of the road."

In any case, she would have them vanished, "disappeared like the snow," or he would have "never come back home to [her]." No morning-after consequences.

There is an emphasis on clothes— things you can disguise yourself with— and motion. Even the clothes are made of "smoke and fire... lace like foam from the sea," things that are formless and ever-moving and fleeting. Even in the "room," well, no one stays there, and in the upstairs room, she would simply vanish.

There is no stasis, no solidity, in the romantic world of her imagination. Also, very little light.

The train passes through a “black, sleeping” town. Other words and phrases also evoke darkness: “smoke,” “darkened,” “shadows,” “never see the day,” and “turn the lamplight low.”

Then the dreamer awakens to find the opposite is true. She is in a land of buildings, not trains. Of homes, not hotels: "We live in the city." And? "And everything stays in place."

In her reality, there is an “open sidewalk,” very public. “Well I know your face,” she says, cringing at the over-familiarity. (it's "well I know," as in "I know it well," not "Well, I know...") 

There is also an atmosphere of openness: “We talk and talk/ We tell the truth,” and disappointingly, “there are no shadows here.”

She wonders if he has had the same thoughts: “When I look into your eyes/ I wonder what might have been here.” (Yes, Vega rhymes “here” with itself. What can you do?)

And still she wonders, if— instead of the static, bright, too-honest city— they had met on some inky, hazy, sultry journey, with identities masked and mystery swirling … if…

The song ends with a question repeated throughout: “Where would we be now?” The key word here is “we.” She imagines them, if they had been able to meet with some “shadows” around, being able to maintain a relationship. Not here, in the blare and glare of the city, but some other “where.”

The journey could never end, of course. The “where” would have to keep changing, if the basis of the relationship is the lack of stability. They would have to stay on that train.

Still, it doesn’t sound like she’d mind that.

Next Song: The Queen and the Soldier